


We're Forked

by kafuka



Category: The Good Place (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 15:18:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12773787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kafuka/pseuds/kafuka
Summary: Set immediately after the mid-season 2 finale. Michael returns to his office to find Shawn waiting. And then Eleanor walks in.





	We're Forked

**Author's Note:**

  * For [galfridian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/galfridian/gifts).



> Yuletide 2017. Hope you enjoy, galfridian!

“Hello, Michael.”

If Michael had a heart, it would be in his throat. 

Shawn. Was at his desk. Looking through his files. Oh, fork. 

“Shut the door. Have a seat.”

Michael did as he was instructed and crossed the room, hovering next to the chair on the side of the desk he’d never had to occupy before. 

He snatched the undone bowtie from his neck and began twisting it in his hands. “Sir! What a nice surprise! What can I do for you?”

Shawn’s expressed didn’t change. “Have a seat, Michael.”

Michael sank into the chair. “Sir, before you say anything, I would just like to--”

A sharp knock rang out, and both Michael and Shawn turned to the door, where Eleanor was already stepping through the threshold. “Hey Michael, I know you were just at my place, but I had something I kind of want to shoot the shirt with you abou-ou-howww-hello?” 

Eleanor stopped in her tracks, her eyes darting between the serious man at Michael’s desk and Michael himself, looking like he had a date with a firing squad. She didn’t know the serious man, but something in her gut yelled at her to stop talking immediately. Or, it might have been Michael’s expression that also pretty much yelled “STOP TALKING IMMEDIATELY.”

“E-Eleanor Shellstrop, our Best Person!” Michael cried, jumping up from his seat and rushing to Eleanor’s side. 

“Your best what?” Eleanor hissed, but Michael gave her another STOP TALKING IMMEDIATELY look.

“Sir, I hate to cut this short, but when my Best Person calls, I can’t help but answer! Be right back!” He snapped his fingers and he and Eleanor disappeared.

“Oh, fork!” Eleanor yelped, stumbling as she and Michael reappeared in a blank void. She steadied herself on Michael’s arm and turned to him. “Who was that serious guy taking up all your space?”

“That was Shawn.” Michael said. He was attempting to retie his bowtie, but his fingers were shaking too much. “He’s my boss. You met him once, in the first go round. He’s the one who’s going to retire me if he finds out this isn’t just the second attempt. And I think… I think he already knows.”

“Oh, fork.” Eleanor repeated, staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at Michael. “What are we going to do?”

“Right now?” Michael asked, attempting to loop one end of the bow around the other and missing. “Stall as long as possible until we come up with a plan and hope he’s not watching us right now.”

“He can SEE US?” Eleanor half-whispered, half-squawked. 

“Well, I can see in nine dimensions, and he’s my boss, which means he can see in eleven.” Michael ripped the tie from his neck and burnt it to a crisp in his hand. “We’re forked, Eleanor. It’s been nice knowing you. I’ll think about you while I’m being pulled apart molecularly and scattered across the universe.”

“There’s gotta be something we can do! We’ll pick up Chidi, Tanhani, Janet -- hell! Even Jason! He’s occasionally weirdly useful! And we’ll figure something out! We’ve bested you every time, how hard can this Shawn guy be?” Eleanor paced as she ranted, pointing, shouting and smacking her fist on her palm. 

“No!” Michael grabbed her and spun her around, grasping both her shoulders, and pulling her face uncomfortably close to his. “We can’t involve anyone else! If we come back with someone else, Shawn will know we’re planning something and disintegrate me on site! And then it’s all bear attacks and random drop-ins from your mother for all eternity for you! Is that what you want? Because sometimes your mother will BE a bear!!” He shook her, hysterically trying to get his point across.

Eleanor grabbed his hands and pushed him off. “Jokes on you, man. My mother’s already a bear.” She adjusted her shirt and folded her arms. “So what we need is a distraction only the two of us can provide. Hm. Hey, can you juggle?”

Michael cocked his head to the side.

“Nah, that’s too silly. We need something no one can ignore! Something no one to could possibly turn down. Are you sure we can’t pick up Tahani?”

“Very sure,” Michael said, tapping his foot. “Are you going keep asking me stupid questions, or are you going to tell me what your plan is that involves Tahani and juggling?”

Eleanor smirked and looked off into the immaterial distance. “That gave me other ideas, but not the one I’m having. Forget the juggling. Do demons have sex?”

“Nigh constantly, when their not working. Though the lucky ones get to have sex while working, those bastards.” Michael said. 

Eleanor raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t need to know that much detail, but they’re equipped to, right? Even you?”

Michael’s eyebrows shot up. “Yes, even me, in human and demon form. Where are you going with this, Eleanor?”

Eleanor smirked. “Just follow my lead, good buddy.” She patted his chest. “Okay, take us back to judgement day.”

***

Three hours and a couple of rehydration breaks later, Eleanor lay on her bed, hands behind her head, between a blissfully sleeping Shawn and a shaken Michael. They were all very naked and Eleanor had procured a cigar from somewhere. Hopefully she hadn’t call Janet during all of… that, Michael thought.

“That was…” Michael started, his voice drifting off and his eyes drifting towards the very satisfied Eleanor.

“Spectacular?” Eleanor asked, removing the cigar from her mouth and skillfully blowing a few smoke rings. “Thanks, but I’ve heard that before.”

“I was going to say ‘evil,’ but sure.” Michael said, drawing the covers over his chest. 

“Really?” Eleanor sat up and looked down at Michael. “A big shot demon from The Bad Place thinks that my _love making_ \--”

Michael grimaced.

“--is _evil_? That requires a lot of explanation and maybe also a prize. Up top!” He held her hand out for a high five and Michael sighed and weakly returned it.

“Not your -- ugh -- _love making_ , Eleanor. Your plan. The double-team seduction, the lies, the creative use of bondage rope. You’re one evil lady. You know, in a different reality, I think you would have made a great architect. Hell, you’d have made a great Shawn. You’re one of the most evil humans I know. And I’ve met Steve Jobs.”

Michael finished and Eleanor grinned, laying a hand on her chest in mock pride.

“I just have one question.” Michael said.

“Yeah?”

“What did Tahani and juggling have to do with it?”

Eleanor threw up her hands and groaned. “Okay, first of all, the juggling was from a completely different plan that I scrapped very early in the drafting process, so please stop bringing it up!”

Michael grinned and turned onto his side, propping his head on his hand to listen to her. “Fine.”

“And second, who could turn down being seduced by me and Tahani? I mean, you were a very surprisingly good replacement, Michael, but you’ve met Tahani right? Like, _woof_.” 

Michael smiled at her warmly, “ _Woof_ , indeed.”

“Okay, now I have a question.” She said.

“Yeah?”

“What was that ‘Best Person’ stuff about, when I first walked in to your office?”

“Oh that,” Michael leaned back and peeked over Eleanor to check if Shawn was still asleep. “Well, you see, at the beginning of the second reboot, when you woke up, I needed to make you really feel like you didn’t belong here, so…”


End file.
